Moving beyond productivity: An interview with Emma Kaywin on coping during times of unrest
With the virtual OHBM meeting just around the corner, we simply can’t ignore the reason why we’re holding a virtual conference in the first place, along with the shift in productivity, coping adaptations, and mental health states that we have all experienced in recent times. I had the pleasure of sitting down virtually with Emma Kaywin, a conflict mediator and sexual health educator in New York City, who shared her expertise on trauma counseling and its links with the broad spectrum of challenges we have had to face in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic and amplified by recent civil unrest. Check out the interview below and don’t miss our workshop that will be led by Emma after the main OHBM conference program, to be held on Friday, August 7, 10am EST.
Carolina Makowski [CM]: Thank you so much for taking the time to speak with me today. To start, what are the most common trauma-related or coping responses that you have seen in response to COVID-19?
Emma Kaywin [EK]: One of the main things that people are feeling is a loss of control. We have set up our lives in very specific ways based on who we are and what feels good for us and what our values are. With COVID-19, there were a lot of things that used to be in our control that are now out of our control: What we do with our time. How we decompress. What we do for fun. What community we see. Feelings of loss of control, which can be really scary for anybody, can be really triggering or activating for people who have a history of trauma. One definition of trauma is feeling psychologically alone and experiencing unbearable emotional pain. The “alone” part of no one being able to save you and you not being able to save yourself results in people feeling like they are not in control of their lives. When someone has had a traumatic experience, one thing that people do is they try to re-empower themselves and gain back that control. So that's a really big one - this loss of control generally.
Then there are a lot of people who are stuck in unsafe situations (interpersonal and domestic violence, child abuse) So if you think about interpersonal and domestic violence and child abuse and all of that - there are people who are stuck at home in really unsafe situations. We have unfortunately seen an uptick in domestic violence reports and it's really scary. This is a big thing in New York where I live right now. Even for those in safer situations, everyone is living at home so people have a lack of control over the spaces that they do have to be in.
“The situation we are in currently can be really triggering for some. Being triggered can mean all sorts of things in popular culture, but it actually has a very specific neurobiological meaning.”
When you have a single traumatic experience, your brain and your body react - through stress hormones - and it creates a specific reaction that can take on many forms such as dissociation or fighting back. And then when you get triggered, your brain essentially notices something that is similar enough to that initial experience and is determined not to be blindsided like the first time. So you go into overdrive to protect yourself. For instance, if someone bumps into you on public transit and you apologize and it doesn't seem like a big deal - for another person, they can get very activated. They can get very angry, paranoid, depressed - they become hypervigilant and act however they did when they were experiencing a traumatic event. So there's one bucket of people who are being triggered to past experiences that feel really scary and their bodies and brains are remembering those experiences.
Finally, there is this overwhelming feeling of mourning and grief. There are all these things that are really important that people aren't getting right now and they are grieving that loss as if it were dead, and we don't know when it will be coming back.
CM: Yes, exactly - there are a lot of activities that we used to turn to that would help us de-stress and cope. But a lot of those have been taken away. Are there other alternatives that people don't immediately think of that could help them cope during these times?
EK: One of the things I believe is that there are certain things that can't be translated online, but when people try to, you get things like "Zoom fatigue". Whereas if you and I were chit chatting in my living room, we would be able to sit in silence more easily and we would feel more natural around each other. So I think one of the answers is finding things that you actually like doing in this online format and mourning the things that you can't do instead of trying to just digitize them all.
“Not everything can be digitized in a way that feels supported. For academics, we need to think through what actually makes sense to digitize in the long-term.”
A lot of people are experiencing Zoom fatigue and feeling really guilty about that, because then it means that they can't see any of their friends or do anything. But a digital dance party is not the same as a dance party. And that's also OK. I think recognizing that is really important. In terms of things people can do, what brings people joy will really differ per person. I think it's critical to try to go outside and not be a workhorse where you do your 9-5 mostly on Zoom calls, then you're exhausted and just switch over to Netflix, and then you’re done for the day. Try to figure out what actively brings you joy and what works in this new format.
I think from a community perspective for OHBM with people working in different labs - we need to think through what actually makes sense to digitize in the long-term, and figure out what we should revert back to real-life interactions as soon as possible.
CM: I agree - bringing this to the research sphere, there are a lot of trainees, postdocs and early career researchers that have this layer of uncertainty imposed on their work and on their timelines. People are asking themselves, "Am I going to graduate on time? Am I going to get that experiment done in the time that I have funding for it?" What advice would you have for these research-related obstacles academics are currently facing?
EK: First, I will say that the dissertation that I'm working on right now involved qualitative interviews with queer people and trans people about their night life experiences. And not only can I not do in-person interviews now, there's no nightlife. So I definitely feel that. I think the first thing that I would say is that anytime you are doing research in this time, you will have to disclose that your research was collected during COVID-19. That means a couple of things. It means that if I can't do my research for whatever reason, you have to honor that and recognize that in yourself. And maybe that means doing what I did, where I actually changed my topic to investigate what nightlife will be like after COVID-19, and how we want to make the community more trauma-informed.
“There might be an opportunity for people to use this pause as a time to think through, not just getting my project done, but how can I make the world better?”
Not every project will be able to do this but we do have to realize a new reality - our cohort of academics is not going to have as much financial support as other places, for instance to travel to conferences. Aside from trying to make your research potentially more related to COVID-19, we also need to realize that this is one instance among many in our careers where things go wrong. Academic advisors should also be supporting their staff and lab members and recognize that people may be more depressed or anxious and they might not be able to do their work. Other content has come out recently as well on how to be a good manager in times of unrest.
CM: It can be intimidating to bring this up to a supervisor though - as a trainee, is there a way of approaching this subject about personal challenges you're facing during this time, or should this be first and foremost the supervisor's responsibility?
EK: I would say in a perfect world, it should be the supervisor, but that's not always the case. Something that could be done is putting together an open document online of questions to ask your supervisor, or ways to talk to your supervisor about needing a day off, changing deadlines, etc. I've seen many people struggling with deadlines right now - but most deadlines are arbitrary and can be pushed for extraordinary circumstances. And people should not be ashamed for asking for that.
CM: Absolutely - there's also this running dialogue in academia of "well, you have lots of time now to write and be productive and what not", so a lot of people feel guilty that they're not doing enough because we've made up in our minds that everyone now has the time to do all these things. How can we manage that guilt?
EK: The first thing that I would say is you are not your productivity. Really hammering that home is important because it's really hard to remember. You are a whole person who is being reduced to your productivity through academia. There's this quote I really like about self-care:
“You have an ethical imperative not to be damaged by the work that you do.”
If you burn out because you're doing your postdoc studies and you're worried about your family, or you're going out protesting, or you're worried because you're Black. If all of these worries add up and you're not taking care of yourself, and the people who are supposed to be watching over you aren’t helping you get to a space where you can actually take the time you need, the chance of burnout is exceedingly high. This is particularly important for women and people of color, as you look at the "weeding out" process even by the time you hit postdoc stages. We need people who are supportive of the reality that you are doing way more than just being in the lab, there is a world out there.
CM: Exactly. We are so much more than just our work. I think a lot of us put so much value and worth into our productivity, stemming from our undergrad days. It's a hard thing to knock out of your head but we have to work together as a community to do so. Are there any final pieces of advice you have for our trainees and early career researchers? In light of COVID-19 and civil unrest, how do we keep moving forward?
EK: There are a couple of things. The first thing is related to trauma therapy - recognizing that when a trauma has happened, when you're stressed, you do whatever you need to survive. And that can result in some patterns that later might not be the best pattern. The thing to remember, especially for people who've had trauma in their past, is that when you are in a traumatic situation—which we all are right now, and to various degrees—now is not the time to break down your survival mechanisms and create new ones. Now is not the time to be shaming yourself. However you are reacting, this is what your brain has decided based on all of its hippocampal maps of safety and everything that you've learned from culture. Honor that it's not a perfect system. We'll do the healing later. We should be normalizing what we are going through right now, however it may look.
Finally, social support is crucial. If something happens that makes you feel unsupported or unsafe, one of the best things that you can do is talk about it with a trusted community; get it out of your mind and talk it out so you don't have to ruminate on it. You'll see there are a lot more people than you think that are on your side.
CM: Emma, thank you so much for your time and we are really looking forward to your workshop on August 7!